Tara's Blog - :(

This was me getting chemo at clinic this morning. I haven't eaten more than a cup of soup since Sunday night. I'm so nauseous all the time that even when I take a sip of water, I throw it up. The only time I get off the couch is to use the bathroom. In the beginning of the week, I lost about 6+ pounds, but I've probably lost more since then. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is hard. Allison, my favorite social worker at the clinic today, told me that it's okay to break down sometimes. It's okay not to be okay. And although I do take that advice sometimes, I hate being looked at as anything other than strong. I hate, hate, hate admitting that I am weak sometimes. I was an athlete my whole life, I could take down any one of my brothers with my pinky toe (lol), and I never once felt sorry for myself. I never once considered myself weak. I've always been headstrong and independent. So, in the midst of all the crying and head rubs, I just keep telling myself "I feel great. This is easy." It's okay to cry, to feel sorry for myself, and I definitely have my share of that. But, things ARE great, and honestly, this is also pretty easy at times. My job is to eat, sleep, rest, and recuperate. I feel great, and this IS easy. Your mind will believe what you tell it. How easy is that?